Usually when people talk about having “trust issues” in relationship - whether it be in business relationships or romantic relationships - it’s assumed they are talking about being able to trust each other. In reality, however, there is a subtle yet critical distinction that needs to be made, and it involves understanding the differences in what trust means to a man and what it means to a woman.

In our case, it wasn’t about being able to trust each other. I wanted Donna to trust me, and Donna wanted to be able to trust me. That’s how it is for a lot of couples, whether they are building a home-based business together or are in the business of building a life together.

Here’s how it works.

Men want to be trusted. Why? Because when a woman believes in her man it motivates him to produce, and production is what men are all about. In other words, a woman’s trust is a key ingredient for a man doing what he does best - produce for his partner, his family and himself.

Women, however, are more concerned about being able to trust. She needs to trust the man she is with. When she trusts him she will feel safe. When she feels safe she can drop into what feels good. She is free to enjoy the experiences she wants in life, rather than focusing on doing everything herself. She gives up that responsibility to her man.

So, here’s the gold.

Men, if you want her to trust you, you must be trustworthy. Do what you say you are going to do. Commit carefully, and fulfill fully. Be willing to take a risk, especially in the area of what she wants. If you fulfill on what she wants, she will trust you and splash her magic all around.

Women, if you want to trust him, you must be willing to trust. You must be willing to give up the notion that you have to handle it all yourself. Ask him for what you want or what you want to have done; give him the freedom to fulfill or not; and let him fulfill in his way. Offering up your trust will motivate him to produce more because it’s a win for him and for men winning feels great.

Let us know about your experiences by leaving a comment below.

For more on trust and on creating successful “Heart-nerships”, our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness”, is available for you to enjoy. Download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by visiting:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

The super-group America is another. In their mega-hit “You Can Do Magic” they sing about how it is for men when things are good with the woman in their life - “I hold you tight and the rain disappears”; how women captivate men  - “you took my heart and I couldn’t retrieve it”; and how men are disarmed around the woman they love - “When you cast your spell you will get your way”.

Although the song is about who women are for men, there is a gem in the lyrics for women to get too. Here it is, “You (women) can have anything that you desire.” How is that possible? Because your guy wants to produce it for you and will, if things are feeling good in the relationship. In our workshop we teach that when a woman is clear about what she wants and knows how to ask for it in a way that empowers him he will be motivated to produce it.

Princeton University research even suggests that the good feelings between you both will actually pull what you want towards you. It’s a natural outcome of the energic flow that links a man’s production and a woman’s desire. Understanding that flow and how to use it is a key part of our work. So what are you up to creating in your life with your partner - financial security, a successful home-based business, a family? The key to success is learning how to use the natural mechanism that has always existed between men and women.

Watch the video below and follow along with the lyrics that are included beneath the video player. Leave a comment in the box under the lyrics to let us know what you think. Enjoy!

(Source: YouTube)

“You Can Do Magic” - performed by America

I never believed in things that I couldn’t see
I said if I can’t feel it then how can it be
No, no magic could happen to me
And then I saw you

I couldn’t believe it, you took my heart
I couldn’t retrieve it, said to myself
What’s it all about
Now I know there can be no doubt

You can do magic
You can have anything that you desire
Magic, and you know
You’re the one who can put out the fire

You know darn well
When you cast your spell you will get your way
When you hypnotize with your eyes
A heart of stone can turn to clay
Doo, doo, doo …

And when the rain is beatin’ upon the window pane
And when the night it gets so cold, when I can’t sleep
Again you come to me
I hold you tight, the rain disappears
Who would believe it
With a word you dry my tears

You can do magic
You can have anything that you desire
Magic, and you know
You’re the one who can put out the fire

You know darn well
When you cast your spell you will get your way
When you hypnotize with your eyes
A heart of stone can turn to clay
Doo, doo, doo …

And if I wanted to
I could never be free
I never believed it was true
But now it’s so clear to me

You can do magic
You can have anything that you desire
Magic, and you know
You’re the one who can put out the fire

You know darn well
When you cast your spell you will get your way
When you hypnotize with your eyes
A heart of stone can turn to clay
Doo, doo, doo …

You’re the one who can put out the fire
You’re the one who can put out the fire
You’re the one who can put out the fire …

******************

For more tips on creating successful “Heart-nerships”, our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness”, is available for you to enjoy. Download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by visiting:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

Try this. Go look at yourself in a mirror. What do you see? What are the first things you notice? What catches your attention? How do you feel about it? Really…go do it right now. We’ll wait here for you to come back…

What do you regularly focus on about yourself? Is it that you’re hardworking or lazy? Maybe that you’re generous or do you see yourself as holding back? Do you focus on your beauty or your flaws? Do you focus on what you can offer the world or what you lack? How does this focus make you feel about yourself most of time? Our guess is that if you focus on what you define as being bad about yourself, you will feel bad, and visa versa.

We don’t only do this to ourselves, however…

We choose to focus on something about everyone we meet. I (Jason) lived in Toronto, Ontario, Canada from 1996 to 2000. At that time, Toronto had one of the highest number of homeless people per capita of any major city in North America. What I focused on at first was that they were dirty; many of them were drunk; and that it was uncomfortable to constantly be asked for spare change. My first impressions of homeless people were not good; and I didn’t feel good about them or myself.

Overtime, however, I saw something different. Can you imagine how resourceful you have to be to live on the street and carry all your possessions with you literally on your back? Then I spoke with a man who was a successful lawyer until schizophrenia caused him to lose his career and family. Then there was the guy who lived in a tent in a ravine. He spent part of his day cooking for other homeless people at a church shelter and part of the day pan-handling at a busy intersection. His dream was to be a chef. Another ravine-resident, Fred, trained 5 days a week by running with a large log over his shoulders. He was 78. Some people have stopped trying to get off the street because they are used to the lifestyle and the freedom. My focus was shifting, and along with it how I felt about homeless people and how I felt about myself.

Who You Focus on is Who You Get

As gender experts, Donna and I know that what we focus on in relationship has a huge impact on both the quality of that relationship and the likelihood of it lasting. So it’s always helpful to be aware of what you are focusing on about your partner. Is it that he took the garbage out today, or that you had to ask him three times? Is it that she is beautiful or that you were late again because she had to have her make-up just right? What are you focusing on, and how does it make you feel about them and about yourself?

The thing to remember here is that what you focus on is what you get. Or rather, who you focus on is who you get. Why? First, because your thoughts create your reality. What you think about, especially when you think about it with a lot of emotion, is what starts to show up in your life. That’s the Law of Attraction in a nutshell.

Second, by definition, when you focus on something it’s all you see. You actually start looking for that personality trait, that annoying habit, that imperfection to show up to justify how you feel - “See I was right. There it is again!”

When You Change Your Perception You Change Your Results

You know what? Those things about your partner that are annoying you are never likely to go away. There is a reason why men and women are as they are, and until you understand the differences and the reasons for them, those traits will keep occurring as annoying.

What we love about leading the “Divine Dance of the Sexes” are the “A-ha!” moments when participants see something about their partner they never saw before. When you understand the differences between men and women and why those differences exist, what used to be seen as “wrong” or as something that should be changed becomes just what is so. It’s understood as being perfectly in alignment given who your partner is as a man or a woman.  When that perception-change happens transformation occurs and the results you experience in your relationship, your home-based business or your family - in whatever it is you are up to in life - will shift forever.

Exercise

1) Write down the three most “annoying” things about your partner.
2) Write down the three things you love most about your partner.
3) File the first list as what you want to see shifted as you learn more about the Divine Dance model of relating through this blog and/or our programs.
4) Take the second list and focus intently on those traits or behaviors for one week. The shift in how you see your partner and how you feel about him or her and yourself will seem like magic.

Come back and let us know what you found by leaving a comment in the box below.

For more tips on creating successful “Heart-nerships”, our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness”, is available for you to enjoy. Download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by visiting:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

“Oh no!” they cry. “He’s crazy and doesn’t know what he’s doing. What names did he pick?”

The nurse says, “Well, he named the girl Deniece.”

“Whew, not bad. In fact, that’s nice. And how about the boy?”

“Denephew.”

What is a “relationship”?

We’re all in relationship with everything all the time. Dictionary.com defines relationship as:

“The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.”

“Relationship” is simply where you are relative to where someone else is. We are in relationship with others merely by virtue that we exist and so do they.  We can’t help but be in relationship with everyone we meet. There are different types of relationship of course - business, friendship, adversary, enemy, sexual, etc. These relationships are characterized by how you interact with people around you.

What is a “partnership”?

A partnership, however, is a special type of relationship. Dictionary.com puts it this way:

“A relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility, as for the achievement of a specified goal.”

A partnership is created by choice in order to achieve an end. A relationship exists by default. A partnership is about creating something with someone else. A relationship is simply your state of being relative to someone else. Partnerships are defined by common purpose. Relationships do not require a purpose.

What does a “partnership” look like?

Successful partnerships have these qualities:

1) Common goals - If you and your partner are not headed in the same direction than, by definition, there is no partnership. You must both want to create the same thing. Whether it’s building a home-based business, raising a family or putting money away for a dream vacation you need to be on the same page about what you are acting to create. But remember, having a partnership doesn’t mean that you both have to be active in the project. One person being supportive of the other person’s goals even while not actively working toward the goal is an important form of partnership as well.

2) Complimentary interests - Don’t confuse common goals with common interest. The “goal” is what you want to create. The “interest” is why you want to create it. In a partnership each partner has to want to create the same goal. Your individual reasons for wanting that result, however, can be different. The reasons can be different , but they must be complimentary (i.e., all the reasons  must be satisfied by accomplishing the agreed upon goal).

3) Each member contributes their strengths - Partnerships are not about each person doing everything, or one person assuming all the responsibility. Everyone has a specialty, and each partner should focus on what they do best. In a law firm, for instance, each partner specializes in a certain area of law and contributes to the team by maximizing return in that area. In our business, Donna’s creativity, her training and her love of people make her especially strong in developing and leading our workshops. I have always been a good writer. Therefore, I focus on communicating our message in various ways. I also manage the day-to-day business operations. That’s what makes a successful partnership - individuals contributing their own personal strengths toward achieving a common goal.

What this means to You

If you are up to creating something with someone else - perhaps a team member, or especially with your significant other - you want your relationship to graduate to partnership. The strengths you contribute to your partnership include not only your learned skills, but also the natural ways of being you bring as a man or a woman.

If your life partner is also your business partner things run most smoothly when you are both clear about what you are naturally best at as either a man or a woman. When they are not clear on this, couples that are up to creating something trip over each other and get in each other’s way. How they relate makes the thought of working closely together toward a common goal uncomfortable if not frightening. They are foiled when their relationship gets in the way of their partnership.

For example, Marie and her husband Bill operate a home-based business together. Awhile back they took the “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Workshop. In Marie’s words,

“Before the workshop I had a concern that starting our business together as a couple may not work given our past patterns of conflict.”

After the workshop she was relieved.

“I now see that we can have an amazing business together even just by being clear on what I want and recognizing that he is willing to give me what I want.”

Today their business is doing very well. Marie emailed us several months after taking the Divine Dance and said much of their success working together in business was because of the principles and techniques they learned during that weekend.

Bill and Marie demonstrate the power of a partnership in which men and women drop into what they are best at and what feels best. A key point for a woman is to embrace her desire, and celebrate what she wants. For men it’s important to get behind her goals and produce the result that will make him her hero. Take a look at the posts Law of Attraction for Couples and Healthy Love, Healthy Life for a more detailed look at how this process works.

We love this story because it is our purpose realized. We love showing people how to create the kind of partnerships that lead to success in life, love and business. What type of success? That’s up to you - building a family, creating financial freedom, growing a network marketing or other type of home-based business, etc. It all depends on what you are up to in life.

For more tips on creating successful partnerships, our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness”, is available for you to enjoy. Download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by visiting:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

In the Divine Dance two of our key messages are:

1. Women are desire. When a woman doesn’t at least believe she will get what she wants her light and vitality start to fade. There is nothing sadder.
2. Men are master producers. Producing is where they are at their best and what has them feel their best.

Given these natural qualities of men and women its easy to see why this couple was upset. It seemed impossible that Carla’s desire for a family could be fulfilled, and Bill believed there was nothing he could do to produce what he knew would make her happy. It was starting to cause a rift in their relationship.

Miracles Do Happen

Several years ago one of Jason’s friends, let’s call her Sally, was in the exact same situation. Sally was in her early 20’s and was told she couldn’t have children. She and her partner, “Jack”, were upset but life went on. They always seemed to maintain a close bond and were deeply in love. Eventually they moved to Australia so they could both accept teaching positions at one of that country’s universities. A couple years later we got word that Sally was pregnant. Today Sally and Jack have two kids, both conceived naturally with no medical intervention.

The Funny Thing About Desire

Desire isn’t simply something you have. Desire is an energy, an attractive force. It’s the first step in pulling what you want into your life (see the post “Law of Attraction for Couples”), including things that seem impossible.

Of course, both men and women have desires - we all want something. But women have a very different relationship to desire. It’s who they are. They take unsatisfied desire personally. It’s letting that energy of desire flow freely that is so powerful; and when a man gets behind his woman’s desire - when supports her in her goals and even makes them his own - the space is created for receiving miracles. This is one of the key processes we explain during the Divine Dance.

Let’s Bring This Down to Earth - What We Want Bill and Carla to Hear

The combined energy of desire and production is a powerful Universal force that creates actual results in the world.

It’s not for us - i.e., people - to say how desire is satisfied. That’s up to the Universe. We just need to have the desire and be willing to receive what shows up. For Sally and Jack, their desire was satisfied with natural conception and childbirth. Who knows how Bill and Carla’s desire for a family will be manifested. Maybe through natural conception. Maybe through medical intervention. Maybe they will be driven to adopt a child locally or from another country. Maybe an opportunity will come to sponsor kids-in-need from Africa or other parts of the world. “Family” and the experience of nurturing children doesn’t have to look one way.

Here’s one process Bill and Carla can follow:

1. First, Carla needs to be clear on what experience she is wanting from having kids. Perhaps her desire for children is actually a desire for an experience that having children would satisfy. Maybe that experience can be satisfied another way (e.g., adoption, sponsoring kids, working with children professionally). Bill can help Carla get clear on this.
2. Bill is already behind Carla’s desire to have a family. He has already made this goal his own. A man being behind his woman’s desire is important because it will ground the process of making their goal a reality. It completes the “energic loop”.
3. Bill commits himself to focused action with the intent of finding ways to have Carla’s desire made real. His actions alone show a willingness to receive. He shouldn’t be tied to finding a specific outcome.  His willingness to receive opens the door for the Universe to satisfy their true desire.
4. Bill and Carla need to stay connected. Bill can offer her ongoing attention. Cherish Carla. Serve her and your life together. Carla can let Bill know she appreciates him  for everything he is doing regardless of the outcome or seeming lack thereof. Show that you trust him. (See the post “Healthy Love, Healthy Life “ for specifics on how to cherish her and appreciate him.)

We wish Bill and Carla every success in this process. And this post isn’t just for Bill and Carla. It’s for every couple that wants a process for creating miracles in your life using the power of who you are naturally as men and women. Please let us know how it works for you by leaving a comment below.

Your invited to download our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then, consider registering for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by visiting:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

Donna's favourite fork.

Donna has a favourite fork. It actually is a really nice fork. Its heavy and sturdy. It has a wide base and long tongs. It always seems to be shiny, as if just polished. It feels really nice in the hand. Its a good fork, and its Donna’s favourite.

I know its Donna’s favourite fork because she told me. Somewhere along the line she mentioned it to me in passing. A couple times when I happened to give Donna that fork at supper, and she was feeling playful, she would say, “Ah, my favourite fork. Thanks Jason.” Now I often find myself scrummaging through our cutlery drawer at supper time looking for that fork. I’ll dig to the bottom of the fork section of our cutlery tray just to get that fork. I know Donna likes it, and it makes me feel good doing things for her that I know she likes.

Now, obviously we’re not writing this post to tell you about a fork. It really has nothing to do with the fork itself. This post is about how men and women are together, particularly in the area of desire and production. Here’s what we want you to get:

1) “I know its Donna’s favourite fork because she told me.”
Donna tells me what she likes. She knows I can’t read her mind, so she doesn’t set me up to lose by having to guess what she wants.  She will actually say, “I love it when…” or “I’d love to go to…” or whatever the case may be. When Donna isn’t direct I have to read between the lines, which can be fun. But if a guy has guessed in the past, was wrong and was zinged for it by the girl he is with, he will be reluctant to guess again because the potential loss is too big.  Make it easy for him to give you what you want by telling him.

2) “Ah, my favourite fork. Thanks Jason.”
Donna is constantly thanking me for things I do for her. Whether it be the “little” things like taking the garbage out or the “big” things like a trip to Florida, Donna always let’s me know how much she appreciated it. If this sounds like she’s “buttering up” my ego what you need to see is that men are motivated by appreciation. It has them want to do more for you because it feels good. And there’s nothing a man wants more than to be at cause in your happiness.

3) “Now I often find myself scrummaging through our cutlery drawer at supper time looking for that fork.”
Guys, my giving Donna her favourite fork isn’t going to make her day. I know that. But it shows I’m paying attention and that I care about how she feels. Again, this isn’t about the fork. It’s about how you are in life with her. When you cherish her and pay attention to what’s going on with her energy. She loves this. It completes the energic circuit, if you will, between you both (her appreciation motivates you to pay attention to her, which gives her more to appreciate, so you offer more attention, and so on)

4) As a woman, what you appreciate him for is your choice.
Its so easy to fall into the rut of waiting for the big things to happen before expressing appreciation to your man - trips, gifts, incredible sex, paying off large bills, etc. What about all the little things he does in between the big things? The more time that goes by without his being appreciated the less motivated he will be to produce for you and your family. What’s awesome is that how often he is appreciated and what he is appreciated for is completely within a woman’s control. His need for appreciation is similar to a woman’s need for connection and to be cherished. Both require ongoing and regular attention. (For a refresher on one powerful way to appreciate him visit the blog post Healthy Love, Healthy Life.)

TRY THE FOLLOWING FOR 1 WEEK then come back and tell us how it went by commenting below:

WOMEN:

PART 1: When you’re clear about what you want let your guy know. No matter how big - e.g., the winter getaway to your dream destination - or small - e.g., your favourite piece of cutlery - let your guy know what you want. Don’t leave him guessing. When and how he delivers is up to him, but if he feels good he will deliver.

PART 2: Thank him for everything. Especially the little things he does - like making you a cup of coffee, warming up the car in the morning, doing the dishes, etc. If you really want to see him move tell him why you liked it too.

MEN:

When you know what she wants or what she likes get it for her. If she wants to travel, for example, but you can’t afford it right now, get some travel magazines and talk about where she wants to go. It will show you are listening and paying attention. Be creative and let us know how it goes.

Most important - HAVE FUN WITH THIS. If your relationship seems like work life will seem like work.

Our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” offers 60-pages of tips for getting out this “love is work” rut. Your invited to download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then, consider registering for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop on March 6-7, 2010 by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

• In a multi-year study, Statistics Canada found that men who got divorced or separated were 3.3 times more likely to experience depression than men who remained with their spouse. Among women, the odds of depression after a break-up were about 2.4 times higher. For many in the study, depression remained a problem for as long as 4 years after they divorced. (Statistics Canada, The Daily, May 22, 2007)
• According to University College in London, England (2007) stress associated with marital struggle was found to increase the likelihood of a heart attack or other heart trouble in both male and female subjects by as much as 34 per cent over the 12-year life of the study.
• The American Diabetes Association has suggested stress due to poor relationships aggravates diabetes for those afflicted with the condition.
• Researchers at Ohio State University found that when couples re-lived past arguments self-inflicted blister wounds healed at only 60% the rate of wounds inflicted on couples who exhibited lower-hostility behaviour.

But that’s not all. Studies compiled by Life Innovations in 2006 on behalf of the Marriage CoMission found that:

• Immune system functioning is lower in couples surviving poor relationships compared to couples enjoying satisfying relationships. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)
• The likelihood of domestic violence grows as relationships fail. (Gallagher, 2002) Domestic violence costs corporate America up to 7.9 million paid workdays of lost productivity annually. (Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence, 2006)
• Unhappily married couples were almost four times more likely to have a partner abusing alcohol than in happily married couples. (Whisman, Uebelacker, & Bruce, 2006) Those with alcohol problems skip or miss work 30% more than those without such problems. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2004)

We have known of these studies for some time. In fact, it’s one reason why we do what we do. The “Divine Dance of the Sexes” gives people more tools for making sure their relationship contributes to their life rather than acts as a drain on it.

Experience the satisfaction of being truly in sync with your partner. Download our FREE ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” today at:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then, register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop on March 6-7, 2010 by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

How has your life and well-being been affected by the health of your past or present relationship? Leave a comment below.

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

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First, a little background.
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In the fall of 2009, Dr. David Simon, the Medical Director of the Chopra Centre for Wellbeing, and author of Free to Love Free to Heal, made the following comment on the research direction being undertaken by the United States Government’s National Centre for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM):

My experience is that many people seeking alternative healthcare approaches are struggling with unresolved emotional needs, which have been poorly addressed by both the conventional and alternative medical communities…We should refocus the efforts of NCCAM on the emotional-physical connection, seeking more effective ways to help people heal their bodies by healing their emotions.
-Dr. David Simon, “Alternative Medicine Research Questioned”, The Noetic Post, (Fall/Winter 2009-10)

The emotional impact of problems in personal intimate relationships is powerful; and we know from research that the stress caused by these emotional upheavals can lead to mental and physical health challenges ranging from depression to heart disease.

****************************************************************************************
Emotional dis-ease can be caused by other triggers than relationships, but…
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Finances, career issues, and control over time are just a few common causes of stress and emotional upheaval. Problems in relationships, however, are inherently different from an emotional perspective. By definition, relationships are emotional. Without emotion there is no relationship. Relationships between people are defined by the emotions they create - e.g., love, hate, anger, happiness, lust.

On the other hand, there is no necessary or inherent connection between emotions and stressors like finances or career progression. Although a variety of emotions can accompany outcomes in these areas, those emotions are not necessarily part of the package. How do we know this? Because, for example, you can separate finances and your emotions. Financial experts will tell you to not become attached to any particular outcome in your investments. Remain detached and objective. In other words, don’t let your emotions rule your financial decisions and results. It can be a challenge, but it’s possible.

Can you imagine, however, a relationship counselor offering similar advice? “Don’t become emotionally attached to your husband or to the outcome of your marriage.” It wouldn’t happen. Relationships and emotions cannot be separated. As your relationships go, so go your emotions; and, as Dr. Simon points out, as your emotions go so goes your health. Therefore, when we talk about healing the body by healing emotions an appropriate amount of attention must be given to healing relationships.

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Principles You Can Use Today
*************************************

The good news is that understanding a few simple principles of natural relating can both heal emotional distress from past and current relationships as well as cement fulfilling and satisfying relationships as a permanent part of your life.

Three of these principles are contained in the following 2 simple sentences you’ll read in almost every email we send:

“Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.”

Let’s look at these two sentences more closely:

1) “Appreciate a Man”

Women underestimate the impact they have on men. During a dinner party in 2008, Donna asked one of the guests what one thing she would like every man to know about women. She thought for a moment, then said, “I would like men to know just how powerful women are.” A few minutes later Donna asked a man the same question, “What one thing would you like women to know about men?” He answered, “That men know women are powerful.”

As a woman, everything you say, how you say it and the look on your face when you say it impacts men powerfully. Nothing impacts a man for the good more than your approval and appreciation of what he does for you and your family. Here’s the formula:

Thank him (including what for) + How what he did made you feel = 1 Motivated Man

Your appreciation of him is the fuel that drives him at home, in the office and in your relationship. If he knows he’s winning with you he will move mountains.

2) “Cherish a Woman”

Men feel best when they are producing. It’s what they’re good at and what they enjoy most. That’s why many men wish - even pray - that providing a nice home, paying all the bills, springing for the occasional vacation and showering her with gifts is all it takes to make her happy. For men that stuff is easy. Relationships, on the other hand, are not a man’s natural domain. And what women really want in relationship, more than anything else, is to be cherished, to receive quality attention from her guy.

What does quality attention look like? It’s asking her how her day was and really listening to what she says. It’s showing her she’s on your mind by hiding romantic notes in places where you know she’ll find them. It’s sending her a spontaneous email from the office telling her you love her. It’s looking her in the eyes when you talk to her. It’s hearing the big and little things she wants and getting them for her. It’s making love to her in a way that says she’s precious and the only woman for you.

3) “That’s All It Takes”

If your relationship seems like work - if it seems too complicated - you’re taking the hard route. Remembering to K.I.S.S. can help - Keep It Simple and Satisfying (and K.I.S.S. a lot!). And a simple way to a more satisfying relationship is to appreciate him and cherish her. During the “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop we look at these and many other principles of natural relating in much more detail. At a basic level, however, appreciating him and cherishing her is a powerful place to start.

Experience the satisfaction of being truly in sync with your partner. Download our FREE ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” today at:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then, register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Retreat on March 6-7, 2010 by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

How has your life and well-being been affected by the health of your past or present relationship? Leave a comment below.

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

The week before Valentines Day I gave Donna a Valentines Day card everyday. Some were funny, some were heart-ticklers, some were a little risque.  I also gave Donna a gift each day. On the Seventh day of Valentines (February 8th) I gave her a little bubble blowing kit. Another day she got a gift certificate to one of her favourite restaurants. Another day it was a coupon book redeemable for kisses and romance anytime. Donna loves flowers, so there are tulips, orchids, hyacinths and of course roses throughout the house. On Valentines Day - the First Day of Valentines - I gave her a card, roses and a bouquet of heart-shaped balloons that sang “How Great It Is to Be Loved By You.” Some gifts were playful, some were serious, some were experiential. Each of the gifts spoke to something I knew Donna loved - having fun, exploring, romance, beauty, life.

All week Donna told me how much fun she was having. The more fun Donna had, the more I wanted to do for her. Seeing how much she enjoyed it and how happy it made her was her gift to me. This energy Donna put into the process gave me purpose and that’s a key thing women do for men. Now today, Valentines Day, there is an energy in the house - a sparkling, crackling energy, a vitality.

What made that energy come alive? The answer is pretty simple actually. I gave Donna an experience. I knew what Donna likes (her desire) and I fulfilled on it (production). We both allowed ourselves to do what we do best - women are desire, men are about production. What’s key here is “willingness”. Women must be willing to receive - have their desire fulfilled; and men must be willing to produce for her. What’s really great is that this energy can be created everyday of the year, not just on February 14. This is the challenge we are laying out for you.

It sounds pretty mechanical, and that’s the beauty of it. In any system, including a system of relating, there are mechanics. And when the different parts of  that system are in sync they create an awesome energy that gives us the experiences we want in life. And like any reliable system, the simpler the better. That’s why Donna and I always say,

“Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman.” That really is all it takes.

We invite you to experience the satisfaction of getting what you want in life by being in sync with your partner. Start today by downloading our FREE ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” at:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then, register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop on March 6-7, 2010 by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

We would love to hear about your Valentines Day experiences. Leave a comment below.

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of the blockbuster documentary “The Secret” which explained how to make the Law of Attraction work in your life. In a nutshell, the teachers in that film say the process involves:

1) Knowing what you want (being in touch with desire);
2) Asking for it;
3) Being grateful before you get it (”An attitude of gratitude.”);
4) Staying out of the “how” of it (i.e., how it will show up);
5) Being willing to receive it.

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A Personal Story
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But what happens when you boost this natural creative energy that we all have individually by supplementing it with the emotional bond that exists between men and women in relationship? Donna and I believe it creates a sort of a “super-charged” connection with the Universe, like an amplifier boosting the power of an electrical signal. It boosts couples’ natural ability to pull what they want into their lives.

Sound a little hokey? Let’s bring it down to earth. For the last year or so Donna has endured a chronic and annoying health issue. About a month ago Donna was upset and frustrated that the problem wasn’t getting better and that all the medical avenues for dealing with it seemed exhausted. Donna also felt strongly about using an alternative treatment, like homeopathy, rather than pharmaceuticals.

How does this fit into the Law of Attraction steps listed above? First, Donna’s desire was clear - to get rid of the problem naturally as soon as possible. Next, Donna’s frustration was her “request” for me to help. In that moment I resolved that we would find a solution. For me that meant creating additional revenue to easily cover the cost of whatever form of treatment Donna wanted. I didn’t know how this would happen, but I was committed to it.

The combination of Donna’s clear desire and my focused commitment and willingness to act was powerful. That same day, Donna found online a simple natural remedy that has had promising results. Over the next few days two businesses contacted us for possible partnerships. Those contacts sparked a vision for a new venture we will be launching later this year. I also got clear on a new product we will be offering in coming months. A few weeks later we had our largest “Divine Dance of the Sexes” workshop to date. I wasn’t specifically working towards any of these, but I was focused and committed to a result…any result…that was in alignment with Donna’s desire. P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L stuff!

The moment my energy aligned with Donna’s the Universe responded.

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Science Says the Gender Effect is Real and Measurable
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Research from the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research Lab (PEAR Lab) at Princeton University shows what Donna and I experienced is more than just wishful thinking or coincidence. In numerous experiments between 1979 and 2007 PEAR researchers Robert Jahn and Brenda Dunne discovered that when “bonded” couples (i.e., couples in relationship) tried to influence the output of an electronic random number generator using only their thoughts, their joint effort yielded average effects more than twice those of “unbonded” pairs and nearly six times greater than when men and women intended separately. In other words, the ability to affect change in physical reality using only intention is far stronger for bonded couples than it is for individuals.

According to one analyst, “Jahn and Dunne suggested that emotional closeness might create resonance between individuals, and result in stronger influence, just as two waves that are in phase or sync amplify a signal.”

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Emotional Closeness + Resonance = Creative Power
**************************************************************

If that quote seems like a bunch of scientific mumbo jumbo, you missed it. Failing to get the point of this quote is why relationships so often occur to people as unsatisfying, shallow, without purpose and frustrating… and why so many relationships fail. Read it again, and look for the deeper cut.

Did you see it this time? Emotional closeness creates resonance which results in stronger influence.

Here’s what you need to get. Emotional closeness is just the first step. Resonance, or vibrational harmony with your partner follows. The result is an amplified connection to the Universe that gives you stronger influence for creating what you want for your life.

For most people, creating emotional closeness is all there is in relationship. It’s not just the first step, but the only step. It’s what they think “relationship” is for. It’s great in the beginning when new love makes life sparkle and crackle. This energy is powerful. A friend of ours told us about a colleague who took their company by storm, becoming the number one sales rep almost immediately after being hired. He was also newly married. Coincidence?

Within a year or so this sales rep’s numbers fell off dramatically. Later it was discovered that this decline in production coincided with a very rough time in his relationship that threatened the marriage.  That’s what can happen when the light of love dims and there is nothing new to keep it burning. Other areas of life suffer too. That’s exactly why Donna and I do what we do. The Divine Dance is about helping couples stay in sync so they can re-ignite that emotional spark almost at will and maintain the resonance that allows to create whatever you want in life.

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The Law of Attraction Between Men and Women
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But how does this work? Why did couples that participated in the PEAR experiments produce a stronger influence than men and women who are not in relationship or than men and women separately?

The “emotional resonance” of couples mentioned above is key. Feelings are powerful.

Donna and I believe more is going on. In a nutshell, here it is. Men and women are different. Women are desire. Their desire drives the show. Men are about production. They want to produce results in the world. When men and women act according to who they are naturally - i.e., women are clear on their desire and men are committed to focused action - they are in alignment with the Universe’s intent. That alignment is powerful.

With this in mind we could modify the above process for how the Law of Attraction works to explain how it works between men and women like this:

1) Women become clear about what they want (their desire);
2) They ask their partner for it in some way;
3) They are grateful before they get it (for example, by showing they believe in their partner’s ability to produce the result);
4) They don’t worry about “how” it will show up. They don’t let the “how” interfere with their experience of receiving their desire;
5) Men commit to focused action to produce the result (commitment and action indicate a “willingness to receive”); but they do not get tied to a specific way in which that result has to show up.

Implicit in this post is that using the Law of Attraction for relationships isn’t just about attracting a great relationship. It’s deeper and broader than that. It’s about working with your partner to create the life you want. It’s about an energy that exists between You, your Partner and the Universe and how to maximize it. It’s our purpose to show people through our workshops how to create relationships that maximize this natural power in their lives.

A lot of you reading this post will instinctively know the Law of Attraction between men and women is real. You’re invited to experience the satisfaction of getting what you want in life by being in sync with your partner. You can start by downloading our FREE ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” at: www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then, register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

If you have ever experienced the Law of Attraction working in your life through your relationship please take a moment and leave a comment. Thank you and take care.

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

“I Hate You Then I Love You” - Lyrics
Performed by Celine Dion and Luciano Pavarotti

(Celine)
I’d like to run away from you,
But if I were to leave you I would die.
Id like to break the chains you put
Around me,
And yet I’ll never try.

(Pavarotti)
No matter what you do you drive me crazy
I’d rather be alone.
But then I know my life would be so empty
As soon as you were gone.

Impossible to live with you,
But I could never live without you.
For whatever you do

(Celine)
For whatever you do

(Duet)
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you.

(Celine)
You make me sad.
You make me strong.
You make me mad.
You make me long for you.

(Pavarotti)
You make me long for you.

(Duet)
You make me live.
You make me die.

(Celine)
You make me laugh.
You make me cry for you.

(Pavarotti)
You make me cry for you.

(Duet)
I hate you then I love you.
Then I love you then I hate you.

(Celine)
Then I love you more.

(Duet)
For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you.

(Pavarotti)
You treat me wrong.
You treat me right.
You let me be.
You make me fight with you.

(Celine)
I could never live without you.

(Duet)
You make me high.
You bring me down.
You set me free.
You hold me bound to you.

I hate you then I love you.
Then I love you then I hate you.

(Pavarotti)
Then I love you more.
I love you more
For whatever you do

(Celine)
For whatever you do

(Duet)
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you.

(Pavarotti)
I never, never, never

(Celine)
I never, never, never

(Duet)
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you.
But you…

“I think we all get the ‘I’m too tired,’ line, and its pissing me off. It’s been too long…we haven’t had sex since March. He’s ALWAYS ‘too freaking tired’. Too tired to help with the dishes, too tired to play with Mason, too tired to put his clothes away, too tired to take the trash out. BUT never too tired to play Diablo 2 or CounterStrike until the wee hours of dawn. Four out of seven nights he actually sleeps on the couch because he was ‘too tired’ to come to bed. I’ve tried almost everything I can think of to get some…he’s not interested .  Help? I’m starting to think he’s gay.”

This scenario is more common in husband-wife relationships than you realize.  We often don’t know what’s going on with men mostly because they don’t have the same ability to articulate their feelings that women do.   Without talking to these people we don’t really have the whole picture but what I notice in these instances is the immediate pull to a diagnoses of clinical depression. Why?  Because at first glance it seems a good fit and it’s logical. I’m going to introduce something new to consider from the point of view of gender.  I am not saying this is what’s going on with this couple because I haven’t spoken to them.  I am simply offering one possible explanation.

A couple of things we know for sure about men:  A man does well when he has purpose in his life and when he is appreciated for what he does. On the other hand he is affected adversely when either of these are missing.

One thing about you as a woman is that when it comes to desire… you “want what you want, when you want it and who you want it from”.  Any one of these variables can (and do) change in a heartbeat to create a whole new set of circumstances and experiences.  You thrive on variety.  This in itself isn’t a problem for you.  It’s a problem for you when you have the experience of continually not getting your needs/desires met whatever they may be…and as I said …they are in a state of flux…constantly changing and evolving.

He on the other hand, lives in the straight forward domain  of “I’m winning”  or “I’m losing” and his physical and mental well being is literally given by his track record at  “winning”.  You are not at all like this so you may even have a hard time hearing what I am saying to you.  Oh…and another thing is that you really have no say in what a “win” is. He’s the only one that can be the judge of that.

In a man’s world it really is this simple.  Don’t believe me?  Just ask any guy.  He’ll tell you.  They oscillate between taking the win and avoiding the loss.  Real simple. This is a good thing by the way.  Why?  Because it’s what makes men predictable, grounded and able to produce results in the world. This is the perfect compliment to the energy of a woman.

As a man’s life occurs to him like a chronic series of losses he begins to shut down.  When a man experiences burn out it’s often not because of what seems obvious like hard work or long hours at the job. What really gets to him is the lack of feedback that tells him he’s a success at what he is doing.

One manner in which a man can experience chronic loss is in the quality of energic connection he has with the significant woman in his life.

Here’s the bottom line when it comes to men and women:

1) A man wants to make his woman happy.  When his woman is chronically unhappy, dissatisfied or sick, although he knows he might not directly be the cause of this it affects him as a loss.

2) A man wants to be appreciated.  How will he know he is appreciated?  When he is told he is.   I know…right about now the women reading this are going wild…”What about me! Don’t I need to be told I am appreciated too?”   A couple of things about that:

a) Getting mad about it is not going to get you anywhere.
b) Women don’t need it in the same way, and we’re talking about a man here …not a woman.  This is an instance where the apples-oranges conversation really applies.

When a man is in a chronic “no-win” state with his woman here’s what it looks like:

First he gets confused and with a bit of time will begin to “tune out”. He stops listening and even when he seems to be,  you (his partner/wife) get the sense that he’s not even there. He starts doing or saying things that leave you wondering what planet he’s on.

He stops doing things around the house. He goes to work, comes home and settles on the couch for the night. He either watches a lot of television or plays video games.  Drug and/or alcohol use can increase… he may begin to gamble excessively. This usually doesn’t happen over night and may take years to get to this point.  He seems like he’s lost and in a very real way, he is. (I find it fascinating that all of these behaviors are considered signs of depression.)

Is any of this behavior justified?  No, to you (his partner/wife) it’s not.  In seeing any of these behaviors, you likely feel like saying, “Hey …buck up. I work full time, come home, make supper for everybody, put the kids to bed and get to look forward to doing that all over again and again and again.  Get your act together…if I can do it you can too.”

Here’s the deal…he can’t do it the way you can.

Although we both have two legs and one head, men and women are designed very differently for some very good reasons.  Right about now you may be saying, “I know this” yet you will likely agree that in cases like these when the chips are down “knowing” hasn’t made much of a difference for you.  Women get angry and say, “Why is it always us that has to understand and compromise?” and that’s a very good question.  (A great topic for a future blog.)

A man can feel a woman’s disapproval on an energic level and disapproval has a huge effect on him.  Disapproval affects a man’s physical and mental well being and can literally bring him down at the knees at home and at work. (Mark my words, we’ll soon  be noticing increased  research in this area because of it’s huge cost to business.)

There is a notion in the world that all a man cares about is sex and that’s not accurate.  When a man is deliberately avoiding sex, however, he is usually avoiding some sort of a loss.  When a man stops caring about anything…again, he is likely avoiding some sort of loss.

I doubt very much your guy is gay and I’m sure you said that to convey your frustration and yes…it’s very frustrating to be around a man when he is shutting down. I believe we are going to see more of this than we’ve ever seen in the past.

So who is to blame?  Nobody is.  We attribute this type of a breakdown to a fundamental lack of awareness regarding the opposite sex.  Most of our current understanding falls short because it is based on what it is to be human rather than what it is to be a Man or a Woman.

B-roll footage graciously provided by The Living Matrix movie. Reproduced by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. All rights reserved.

Watch the following video by cell biologist, author and international speaker, Dr. Bruce Lipton, about how stress impacts the immune system and how our perceptions of things (like what we believe about our partners) actually become “imprinted” in our cellular biology and determines how we respond to people and events in life.

The science is intriguing. The implications for your life are profound and empowering.

(Length: 8 min. 51 secs.)

Go for a great life!

1) Know that you deserve a great relationship and a great life. You deserve more intimacy and to keep romance alive in your life. Don’t settle for good. That’s the normal thing to do, but greatness is who you are naturally. Marianne Williamson has written,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
-Excerpt from “A Return to Love”

Feel the fear and pursue the life you want anyway.

2) Knowing you deserve a great relationship is the first step. Doing something about it comes next. Do whatever you need to do to get the great relationship you want. Go on a romantic cruise. Institute a weekly date night. Take a workshop. Surprise her with secret notes and gifts. Thank him everyday for all he does for you and your family.

3) Start pursuing “great” when things between you are still good. Don’t wait until things are “bad enough” to justify taking action. All the justification you need is that your life, and that of your partner, are too precious to waste. Get to great, and the faster the better!

4) If you feel you have to judge your partner or make them wrong, keep it to yourself. When women are judged they start to withhold themselves and shutdown. They start to question their desires, yet this is what they should be encouraged to embrace beyond all else. When men are made wrong or doubted, they produce less willingly because they start to expect the loss. No man will voluntarily move toward a loss.

5) Know, and respect, that you and your partner are different in every way - in how you think, in how you handle fear and uncertainty, in how you produce, in what makes you happy, in what you want, in what motivates you and in what shuts you down. Those differences are real. We say we know men and women are different, but we don’t know how to operate those differences. As a result, we end up insisting that our partners behave or respond how we expect them to. And often how we expect them to respond is based on how we would respond ourselves. When they don’t behave as we want them to we get upset. That’s kind of like not eating oranges because you think they should have the qualities of an apple even though that was never possible to begin with.

(Shared in accordance with TED.COM’s Licensing Terms.)

There are so many lessons on so many levels in this talk…the ability to choose your life and your experiences; the “grand-ness” of people in the big picture; and more.

Of course, we couldn’t help but notice an analogy to men and women. Jill talks about how the left brain keeps us grounded and connected to the world. It keeps us physical and able to operate day-to-day. The right brain lets us experience spirit, motion and emotion…the sweetness, drama and wonder of life. The corpus callosum connects the two and allows people to have a full and balanced experience.

In relationship, men, who are said to be more left-brained, are grounded and are happiest producing in the world. Women, who are said to be more right-brained, enjoy experience, motion and swinging out. Men are the rock, women are the sweet nectar. We believe they are connected by a powerful energy flow. As a result, together, they offer the other a fuller experience of life than is possible alone. Like the two halves of the brain, their differences are perfectly complementary. The two “separate” parts serve the whole.

Is this coincidence? Is it holographic, where all of life is a reflection of itself? What do you think? Share your thoughts. We’d love to hear from you.

Where genders diverge, laughter begins.

OUT FOR LUNCH

You know you’re out with the girls when Jennifer, Gail and Suzanne call each other Jennifer, Gail and Suzanne.  When the server comes with the bill the conversation gets really quiet as the new focus becomes figuring out each order, calculator in hand - including tax - to the exact penny. The next ten minutes are spent on the collective agreement of a fair (and just) tip.

Bill, John and Scott at the Bar n’ Grill, on the other hand, fondly refer to one another as Dough Head, Nimrod and Big-gut, and when the bill comes they all toss $20 on the table and leave.

Photo courtesy of the Global Coherence Initiative

Donna and I hope you will take a minute to read the following vision drafted by the Evolutionary Leaders Counsel in response to a request from US President Obama. Contributors include such thought leaders as Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Lynne McTaggart, Michael Beckwith and James Braden.

Donna and I support the petition because the vision outlined is for a world of inclusivity, a world in which “ordinary” people have  individual and collective responsibility for their lives and the planet, a world in which no one is left behind and in which everyone’s individual and group potential is recognized and empowered. It’s a vision we support through our workshops. Organizers are aiming to receive 100,000 signatures on the petition (almost 21,000 people have already signed as of March 25, 2009).

Here is the cover letter, and the report that was drafted for the Obama Administration. Please take a moment to read it and sign the petition if you support it.

__________________________________________________________

The Evolutionary Leaders Counsel has been asked by the Obama administration to offer information on what is taking place on the planet and how we can change it. They requested a signed petition offering information on how many people are in favor of the changes suggested.

Many of these Evolutionary Leaders are friends, associates and Board Members of the Global Coherence Initiative. As a gesture of support we are sharing their message with you.

Please read the information below that was submitted to the Obama administration. If you agree with it we hope you click the following link where you will be able to sign the petition.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/248704259

Thanks for your consideration.

All the best,
Global Coherence Initiative Steering Committee

Obama Administration Requests Info on Planetary Challenges
Sat Feb 7, 2009 1:04 pm (PST)

The Obama Administration has asked the “Evolutionary Leaders” to communicate about what is transpiring on the planet, and how we can change the course of the unprecedented events that are challenging this planet. This is a window of opportunity that must be taken! A deadline was given for this information to be conveyed to the Obama Administration.

The Evolutionary Leaders like Deepak Chopra, Gregg Braden, Michael Beckwith and many, many others, gathered together to write up the information to present to the Obama Administration. They are also asking us to sign a petition to show the Administration how many people are in favor for these changes to occur.

_________________________________

By the Evolutionary Leaders

The human family is in the midst of the most significant transformation of consciousness since its emergence in Africa over one hundred thousand years ago. Consciousness has been evolving for billions of years from the first cell to us. We are becoming aware that through our own consciousness the universe can know itself. This awareness reveals incredible new potential for our individual and collective humanity.

Simultaneously, we are the first species on this Earth aware that we can destroy ourselves by our own action. This may be the greatest wake-up call to the evolution of consciousness since the origin of Homo sapiens.

We now realize that we are affecting our own evolution by everything we do. This knowledge awakens in us the aspiration to become more conscious through subjective practices including meditation, reflection, prayer, intuition, creativity, and conscious choice making that accelerate our evolution in the direction of unity consciousness and inspire us to deeply align our collective vision.

THE CHALLENGE

At this juncture in human history, urgent global crises challenge us to learn to live sustainably, in harmony and gratitude with one another and with the living universe. The changes required of humanity are broad, deep, and far reaching. Only by acting swiftly and creatively can we birth a planetary culture that will bring well-being to every form of life in the Earth community.

The good news is that a compelling new story of our potential as a whole human species is emerging - a story of collaboration, citizen action, dialogue and new understandings propelled by unprecedented levels of democratic freedom, multicultural exchange, and access to communication technologies. It is nothing less than the story of our collective evolution.

OPPORTUNITIES FOR ACTION

We recognize that the inner and outer aspects of life evolve together. A dramatic awakening in consciousness will involve an equally dramatic shift in outward aspects of our lives. In particular, we see the following as vital opportunities for our conscious evolution, both personally and collectively:

Cultivating a Paradigm of Aliveness: We regard the universe as deeply alive and conscious by nature. In a living universe, our sense of subtle connection and participation with life around us is the basis for a compassionate and cooperative approach to living.

Educating for an Evolving Consciousness: Awakening consciousness is the foundation for all the change we seek to see in the world. We can work to  elevate our capacity for conscious reflection and creative action in our personal lives as well as our collective lives as communities. We must support research and educational strategies that optimize human capacities and explore the nature of consciousness.

Restoring Ecological Balance: The balance of planetary ecosystems is fundamental to our survival. We must reverse the pollution of our global commons-the water, air and soil that nourish all life. We must encourage the proliferation of clean, renewable energy sources and expend all necessary resources toward mitigating the effects of climate change.

Encouraging Conscious Media: We must find innovative ways to use the new electronic media as the mirror of our positive evolutionary story, investing in their capacity to reach across differences of generation, culture, religion, wealth, and gender to build a working consensus about our collective future.

Engaging in Social and Political Transformation: More sustainable ways of living will require the support of a more conscious democracy and vibrant civil society from which more enlightened leaders will emerge. All individuals should be encouraged to use their gifts to create participatory, responsible and compassionate models of governance.

Working for Integrity in Commerce: Conscious businesses that are aware of the scope, depth, and long-range impacts of their actions are key to achieving sustainability. Business must become an ethical steward of the Earth’s ecology and consciously establish an economic  basis for a future of equitably shared abundance.

Promoting Health and Healing: The science of mind-body-spirit health has demonstrated the profound connection between the health of a whole person and the health of the system in which he or she lives. Whole systems healing, respecting both traditional knowledge and modern sciences, must be supported in physical, social, and spiritual domains.

Building Global Community: The new story is about all of us who share this planet. Together, we can create a culture of peace that eliminates the need for armed conflict, respecting and appreciating the glorious diversity of our human family.

YOUR PARTICIPATION IS VITAL

Our group has done its best to articulate possibilities for the evolution of consciousness at this crucial moment in time. Please reflect on this document, feel what resonates in your being and calls forth a response on your part. We invite you to discuss it with others, continuing this global conversation by adding to it the wisdom that is uniquely your own.

Together, let us co-create a new narrative of conscious evolution that is a call to individual and collective action, birthing the most significant transformation of consciousness in history.

Join in the Call to Conscious Evolution by signing the pledge now.

FOUNDING SIGNATORIES

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Global Coherence Initiative

Looking into her eyes creates trust and connection. Photo courtesy of eHow.com

I remember just like yesterday the doctor slipping my baby girl into the cradle of my arm after she was born. Right from the beginning we spent most of our time together looking at each other’s faces - gazing into one another’s eyes.

It was a different story when my son was born.  The difference I noticed between my children had me secretly harbor thoughts that the relationship between my son and I was fundamentally flawed.  Compared to her, he looked at my eyes much less and was forever scanning the room, seemingly to put his attention beyond.

For many years I thought that maybe my son just didn’t like me. Unfortunately, this was long before I learned this type of difference in behavior is gender based.

One of the significant ways women/girls bond and build trust is by eye contact. It’s been said that eye contact stimulates a woman to release the “cuddle chemical”, called oxytocin, a hormone thought to be involved in the formation of trust. In  women, it’s release in large amounts during labor and nursing facilitates bonding between mother and child.

Here is a little experiment for you men and women in relationship:  If you’re a man reading this, know that your woman can develop a sort of low-grade anxiety caused by lack of eye contact.  This may look like a quiet desperation to get your attention when engaged in conversation with you.

Try this for the next week. Every time she speaks to you make an effort to stop what you’re doing and make solid eye contact with her.  Don’t take your eyes off hers until she is finished talking.  Guaranteed you’ll notice something cool over there with her.  She’ll likely be more relaxed and feel more connected to you - always a good thing.

If you’re a woman reading this ask your guy to read it too, and encourage him to try the experiment.  You’ll both see the amazing difference this simple practice makes.

Share your comments and let us know your results.

As Jackson says, women are “…Divinity in Motion” (see the lyrics below). Have a listen…

“Dangerous” - Lyrics
(Written and Composed by Michael Jackson, Bill Bottrell and Teddy Riley.
Produced by Teddy Riley and Michael Jackson.)

The Way She Came Into The Place
I Knew Right Then And There
There Was Something Different
About This Girl

The Way She Moved
Her Hair, Her Face, Her Lines
Divinity In Motion

As She Stalked The Room
I Could Feel The Aura
Of Her Presence
Every Head Turned
Feeling Passion And Lust

The Girl Was Persuasive
The Girl I Could Not Trust
The Girl Was Bad
The Girl Was Dangerous

She Came At Me In Sections
With The Eyes Of Desire
I Fell Trapped Into Her
Web Of Sin
A Touch, A Kiss
A Whisper Of Love
I Was At The Point
Of No Return

Deep In The Darkness Of
Passion’s Insanity
I Felt Taken By Lust’s
Strange Inhumanity
This Girl Was Persuasive
This Girl I Could Not Trust
The Girl Was Bad
The Girl Was Dangerous

You’ve been hit by
You’ve been struck by
A Smooth…

You know you want me

She’s So Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
Take Away My Money
Throw Away My Time
You Can Call Me Honey
But You’re No Damn Good For Me

Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
I Have To Pray To God
‘Cause I Know How
Lust Can Blind
It’s A Passion In My Soul
But You’re No Damn Lover
Friend Of Mine

(Ad libs out)

(Lyrics coutesy of LyricsDepot.com)

For more tips on creating successful “Heart-nerships”, our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness”, is available for you to enjoy. Download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/

Then register for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop by visiting:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/

Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.

“I enjoyed listening to the guests, Jason and Donna. I knew that men are very sensitive to criticism and have found that expressing appreciation does get better results. I like the paradigm of building your relationship as a resource. There is a synergy between people when they get along. I want to develop more of this synergy in my life.” - Dixie Green

We’re glad you enjoyed the call Dixie! Dixie participated in our live teleseminar on March 5 in which parenting expert Jacqueline Green of GreatParentingPractices.com interviewed Donna and me about how to overcome challenges people face in their relationship after becoming parents. It was so much fun! If you missed the call, a transcript of the interview will be available for purchase on GenderCoaches.com soon.

Thanks to Dixie, and to all our participants, for joining the call. And thank you Jacqueline for hosting the interview and for inviting us to take part in your Parenting Experts Teleseminar Series.

Now Go Celebrate a Man…Win with a Woman!

Rihanna and Chris Brown, December 2008 (Reuters)

It’s not uncommon for abused women to return over and over again to the men who abused them. This obviously begs the question, “Why?” Another common question is why do women repeatedly enter abusive relationships with different men?

These questions are on a lot of people’s minds this weekend after reports that 21-year-old hip-hop superstar Rihanna is considering reconciling with Chris Brown, 19, who allegedly assaulted Rihanna on February 8. Reports of a reconciliation were released by People Magazine and Us Magazine on February 28.

A lot of the activity on various blogs is critical of Rihanna’s decision. I think a lot of people are wondering why a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman would return to an allegedly abusive relationship.

There are several possible explanations for why a woman does this:

1) Many women, whether in an abusive relationship or not, believe their man will change.

As one woman wrote on WikiAnswers.com, “We, as women cannot control the type of men we love, and we sometimes make the wrong choices, and sometimes we don’t even realize it until its almost too late. However, we love them so we tell ourselves that they may change eventually, and keep making up excuses for them.”

What we’ve found is that men won’t change unless they are either moving toward something that feels good- like a renewed sense of purpose for example - or moving away from something that occurs as a huge loss. Men prefer a steady state, so they won’t typically change just because women want them to, hope they will or tell them to.

2) A key concern for all women is safety in a variety of forms. They want to know the bills are paid, they have a roof over their head and the kids are taken care of. Sometimes these concerns outweigh a woman’s personal desire for her own physical safety. She will return to a relationship where financial needs are met even if that means sacrificing her physical well-being. Obviously, Rihanna has no financial challenges, which further begs the question as to what else she might see in reconciling with Chris Brown.

3) Women typically get into, and stay in relationships with men they know how to “operate”. In other words, they hook up with a type of man whose way of being or lifestyle they are familiar with. This familiarity is born of her experiences with men in her past, whether it be her father or other male influences. This can go both ways. Women treated well by men seek men who treat them well because these women are comfortable in that situation. Conversely, when women get into abusive relationships, often it is because they are familiar with that abusive lifestyle or environment. Seldomly is this a conscious decision. This can also explain why women return to an abusive relationship - “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”.

What do you think? Do you have any thoughts or experiences you want to share? Please comment below.

Donna and I believe that it’s not simply prolonged stress that causes testosterone levels to fall in men - it’s prolonged stress in a situation that seems hopeless. Men are all about producing a win, a success. Men can handle stress indefinitely as long as they believe they are moving toward a win. What’s the difference between the businessman who doubles his business during an economic downturn, and the business owner who goes bankrupt?

Both face stress, but the former doesn’t show any of the signs mentioned above that are associated with low testosterone levels. If he did, he couldn’t produce those results. On the contrary he rises to the challenge. The difference is that the business owner who succeeds sees a path to success. He knows how to succeed or at least believes he can succeed. The one who goes bankrupt, on the other hand, doesn’t and succumbs to just the sort of traits Dr. Petty describes above. Men, therefore, need to be fed a steady diet of wins if they are going to beat the recession.

So what is there to do to ensure people and their relationships get through the recession unscathed? Understanding men and understanding women, or at least a few of their key qualities, is a great start:

1) As a woman, know that your support and trust has more power and influence on a man than the economy ever can. It’s the win he wants most. He will be motivated when he knows you appreciate and trust him. Therefore, to keep him moving forward, find anything in whatever he does that you can be genuinely grateful for, and let him know. This will do wonders for his confidence and his ability to do what needs to be done.

2) When money gets tight and fear starts to settle in, it’s normal to look for what’s wrong and to start blaming. In the same way that nothing motivates a man like his partner’s appreciation and trust, nothing shuts him down faster than her criticism and complaints. Men are far more sensitive than society lets us know.

3) Men, know that if she is criticizing you it’s because she’s afraid and doesn’t feel safe. Try not to take it personally and don’t make her wrong. Take it as a clue that something needs to be addressed. She wants you to be strong. Hold the space, and don’t wade into the fray. You can’t keep the situation from drowning if you’re both caught up in the tide.

4) Both men and women can refuse to participate in the recession. Don’t let outer circumstances shape your life. That power is yours. You’re each others greatest resource. Your attitude is important.

Please feel free to comment and let us know what you think.

Men relax, and here are a few suggestions I hope will help:

1) In your relationship, your top priority should be knowing what your partner wants and producing it. You’ll be her hero. If you’re not already doing it, start paying attention to ANY indication about what she wants - what she’s talking about, if she smiles when you bring up a certain subject, what she looks at in the store windows, anything that grabs her attention - and make a list. Keep it somewhere you’ll see it often - in your daytimer, your wallet, your desk at work, wherever. Having that list handy will take a lot of the guesswork out of planning special date nights or of knowing that perfect birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day gift. Even with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s never too late to start, and keep doing it year around.
2) If money is an issue, be creative in producing an experience she’ll love. Again, it helps if you know what she wants and likes. She will appreciate the effort and the thought that goes into what you produce. It will show her you are attentive and will make her feel cherished.
3) Women are all about motion, change and the “experience”. What they want one day can change quickly so don’t make assumptions. Keep being attentive.

Ladies, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1) Your partner really does want to make you happy, more than anything else. You might be saying, “You don’t know my guy!” In this regard, all men are pretty much the same. We see it in the Divine Dance Workshop all the time. Although he’s bound to slip up (it happens to all of us) he’ll keep trying if he’s feeling good in the relationship. Try to remember to make a real effort to find something he did you liked, and tell him how much you appreciated it. Approval from you is the fuel that drives him, and you’ll see the fruits, we promise. Again, this is important to do all year long, not just on special occasions.
2) Men can’t read your mind, so if there’s something you really want to do this Valentine’s Day, or anytime, let him know somehow. Tell him, “I’d love it if…,” or even drop some fairly obvious hints. He will appreciate the help, and you are more likely to get what you want.
3) This is important…really important! No matter what you want, no matter how big or small or how likely or unlikely you think it is you’ll get it, no matter what, ask for what you want. Not the scaled down version, but the real deal. If he’s feeling good about himself and the relationship. He’ll like the challenge. Your desire is what defines you, and all women, so let it rip! As in any genuine request, there is always a chance he’ll say, “No” or “Not now.” Just be with that, and let him know you believe in him - e.g., “I know you will figure it out honey.”

Let us know what you think. We’d love to hear what he did for you, or what you did for her on Valentine’s Day.

Now Go Celebrate a Man…Win with a Woman!

It seems the high numbers of men that buy sex has made prostitution an interesting field of study for psychologists and researchers. A fascinating notion that Westerhoff points to is that whatever the numbers, psychologists are becoming hard pressed to chalk it all up to pathological behavior . The closer I look it becomes obvious to me that this area can be a complex and sensitive one.

Never mind men and sex. I’m still considering the concept of “pathology” and I’m noticing I’m getting very nervous. Here’s why. As I consider the term “pathology” my focus shifts to what this term means and then to the circumstances or events that would make anything pathological. My chest tightens as I see several threads of reasoning branching out and now I feel caught in what occurs as three entangled balls of wire called perspective, judgment and morality.

Early on in his article, Westerhoff sites culture researcher Sabine Grenz of Humboldt University Of Berlin whose work suggests that “johns” (a popular term used for men who patronize prostitutes) are postmen, stockbrokers, teachers, fathers, priests, husbands and law enforcement workers. In other words they are men who come from all socioeconomic classes and represent all marital status.

So, why DO men buy sex? Although we could easily do it, one does not really have to get caught up in the complexity of morals, judgment or side taking. Let’s look at this from the simple and natural laws of gender

Why am I drawn to this perspective? The answer is simple - it puts the focus on a mechanism that has huge workability and offers substantial leverage for acceptance and understanding.

Here goes…

Firstly, men are attracted to what has them feel good and sex feels good. One (and there are several) of the reasons sex feels good to a man is that it relaxes him and is one of the ways he releases tension to reset and focus.

Secondly, men are hard wired to succeed at everything they do. When a man pays for sex it ensures he succeeds in not only getting sex but he can easily succeed in getting it how he wants it.

Thirdly, a prostitute’s intention is to be paid for her services and likely she appreciates him as her client. A man likes it when a woman is pleased with him and it feels good to him when he is appreciated.

Fourthly, a man gets to experience a connection and a certain level of intimacy with the woman he pays to be with without the obligation of having to maintain the relationship and all it entails.

Fifth, a man will likely not be made wrong by the woman he is paying money to. Rather their mutual agreement frees him from worry about any unspoken conditions that he must meet and risk being judged for.

There are more points to add to the list but I am interested in what our male readers have to say about the question, “Why Men Buy Sex?”.

Are you a man who has paid for sex and would like to share your opinion or are you a man with an opinion about why you think other men pay for sex? We’d like to hear your comments.

“How was I able to live alone before I met you?  Without you I lack self confidence, passion for work, enjoyment of life.”

The answer is Albert Einstein. He said this in a letter to his wife, Dolly in 1932.

The rest of the quote reads: “In short, without you my life is no life.”

Donna and I love this quote because it so eloquently demonstrates a key principle from our “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Workshop.

We say that men are happiest producing and that the greatest motivator driving a man’s production is the woman in his life. The energy between a man and a woman is a powerful creative force.

Undoubtedly, Einstein could have achieved great things in any circumstance. But based on this quote, Einstein would agree that the passion and self-confidence he attributes to his relationship with Dolly certainly contributed to his success. As the saying goes, “Behind every successful man is a good woman.”

It’s incredible what men and women can achieve when they are on the same page…when they are “in sync” so-to-speak. Einstein’s work changed the world’s understanding of the physical universe and humanity’s place in it.

That’s what we mean when we say in the Divine that your relationship is far more than just a “thing” you have. It’s a resource…an active vital instrument…that can be used by both of you to create the life you want. It’s powerful, and so are you! Stop just having a relationship and start using it for both your sakes and that of your family.

What do you think? Do you see it? Do you agree or disagree? Please feel free to comment on this post.

Over time men and women will “check-out” of the relationship
when they don’t get their needs met. This process unfolds
differently for each gender. When there is struggle a man tends
to quietly shut down or move away. Sometimes he will initiate a
plan of action to repair the situation and then won’t follow
through. When a man pulls back or doesn’t follow through on his
remedial plans the woman in his life begins to think he doesn’t care.

Here are some common signals that your man is avoiding dealing
with what, for him, feels bad in the relationship:

1)  Your man begins to spend an excessive amount of time in
front of the television.
2)  He begins to spend a lot more time with his friends (or more
time alone) than he does with you.
3)  He is consistently spending more time at work than is necessary.
4)  He seems to be developing one or more addictions. He may be
consuming large amounts of food and gaining a lot of weight. He may
be drinking alcohol more frequently. You may notice an increased
prescription pill use.  He may be developing some other addiction of
which you are suspicious but which you can’t quite put your finger on.

*****************************************************************
For The Women:
*****************************************************************

If you want to have your man stay engaged so that your relationship
moves through breakdown into breakthrough try this:

Firstly: Check in with yourself and get clear on what you are
committed to with your guy. Are you certain you are committed to
having a nurturing, healthy relationship?  If so, awesome, because
this is absolutely do-able. There is no fooling the universe,
however, so your true commitment will be reflected in your results.

Secondly: If you are committed to your relationship moving forward
this is the place to start before doing anything else. Here it is:
Drop all justification for any righteous point of view you’ve been
holding onto.

Thirdly: Objectively look at how you have been behaving. Have you
been critical? Have you been sarcastic? Do you complain about your
circumstances often? Do you find yourself angry at him most of
the time?

Here’s what you need to know.

1) All men are very sensitive to a woman’s expression of dissatisfaction.
Men respond perfectly to a woman’s feelings and the predictability
of this mechanism is truly remarkable.

2) In the real world here’s how it plays out - when a woman is
dissatisfied her man feels that on some level he has failed. The
disempowerment of failure is so uncomfortable for a man that he will
do anything to avoid it, including pulling away from the situation.

3) The problem for couples is this - women are not hardwired in the
same way as men so women don’t see the big deal about expressing the
good, the bad and the ugly. Given some time, the bad and the ugly
can quickly take center stage which begins to spell disaster for a
man because he thinks on some level it’s all his fault that you aren’t
happy. So the question for you as a woman is: How have you been giving
your man the message that he is failing with you? Consciously or
otherwise?

If you really want him to spend more time with you, the first and
most important step is to shift your attitude and your energy before
you go looking for other possible solutions to what you perceive as
the cause of the breakdown.

How do you shift your attitude toward him and your relationship?

1) Look in your life for everything that you are grateful for and
share it with him (the sharing part is the key so please don’t
leave it out).

2) Take some time to deliberately focus on the qualities he has
that you truly appreciate. Begin to share your appreciation with
him often (again, this makes no difference if you keep it to
yourself).

The most difficult part about getting started is putting aside
your justifications for your own point of view for now. It all
boils down to what you are most committed to. As a woman, you have
absolute power to transform how it goes between you and your man
simply through your approval of him.

*****************************************************************
For The Men:
*****************************************************************

Women will often tell you what they don’t want before they tell
you what they do want, and this is easily misinterpreted as her
being fundamentally dissatisfied with the relationship. It’s not
so much dissatisfaction, however, as it is that she doesn’t feel
safe expressing her desire in a free and straight manner.

The trick is for you to not take this apparent dissastisfaction
personally and then start pulling back from her. Your woman is
complex and because she often has her attention on several things
at once, this sort of ongoing visceral reaction to her mostly goes
unnoticed. There are two things for you to do here:

1) Tell her what feels bad for you in the relationship. It probably
won’t be easy, but she may not see it unless you speak up. She has
a lot of things claiming her attention.

2) Take her lack of clarity about what she wants, and her resultant
seeming dissatisfaction, as a signal that there is something for
you to do…namely, help her get clear on what she wants and then
deliver it. Be her hero.

Now go Celebrate a Man…Win with a Woman!