What Can You Learn About Relationships from a Fork?
Donna's favourite fork.
Donna has a favourite fork. It actually is a really nice fork. Its heavy and sturdy. It has a wide base and long tongs. It always seems to be shiny, as if just polished. It feels really nice in the hand. Its a good fork, and its Donna’s favourite.
I know its Donna’s favourite fork because she told me. Somewhere along the line she mentioned it to me in passing. A couple times when I happened to give Donna that fork at supper, and she was feeling playful, she would say, “Ah, my favourite fork. Thanks Jason.” Now I often find myself scrummaging through our cutlery drawer at supper time looking for that fork. I’ll dig to the bottom of the fork section of our cutlery tray just to get that fork. I know Donna likes it, and it makes me feel good doing things for her that I know she likes.
Now, obviously we’re not writing this post to tell you about a fork. It really has nothing to do with the fork itself. This post is about how men and women are together, particularly in the area of desire and production. Here’s what we want you to get:
1) “I know its Donna’s favourite fork because she told me.”
Donna tells me what she likes. She knows I can’t read her mind, so she doesn’t set me up to lose by having to guess what she wants. She will actually say, “I love it when…” or “I’d love to go to…” or whatever the case may be. When Donna isn’t direct I have to read between the lines, which can be fun. But if a guy has guessed in the past, was wrong and was zinged for it by the girl he is with, he will be reluctant to guess again because the potential loss is too big. Make it easy for him to give you what you want by telling him.
2) “Ah, my favourite fork. Thanks Jason.”
Donna is constantly thanking me for things I do for her. Whether it be the “little” things like taking the garbage out or the “big” things like a trip to Florida, Donna always let’s me know how much she appreciated it. If this sounds like she’s “buttering up” my ego what you need to see is that men are motivated by appreciation. It has them want to do more for you because it feels good. And there’s nothing a man wants more than to be at cause in your happiness.
3) “Now I often find myself scrummaging through our cutlery drawer at supper time looking for that fork.”
Guys, my giving Donna her favourite fork isn’t going to make her day. I know that. But it shows I’m paying attention and that I care about how she feels. Again, this isn’t about the fork. It’s about how you are in life with her. When you cherish her and pay attention to what’s going on with her energy. She loves this. It completes the energic circuit, if you will, between you both (her appreciation motivates you to pay attention to her, which gives her more to appreciate, so you offer more attention, and so on)
4) As a woman, what you appreciate him for is your choice.
Its so easy to fall into the rut of waiting for the big things to happen before expressing appreciation to your man - trips, gifts, incredible sex, paying off large bills, etc. What about all the little things he does in between the big things? The more time that goes by without his being appreciated the less motivated he will be to produce for you and your family. What’s awesome is that how often he is appreciated and what he is appreciated for is completely within a woman’s control. His need for appreciation is similar to a woman’s need for connection and to be cherished. Both require ongoing and regular attention. (For a refresher on one powerful way to appreciate him visit the blog post Healthy Love, Healthy Life.)
TRY THE FOLLOWING FOR 1 WEEK then come back and tell us how it went by commenting below:
WOMEN:
PART 1: When you’re clear about what you want let your guy know. No matter how big - e.g., the winter getaway to your dream destination - or small - e.g., your favourite piece of cutlery - let your guy know what you want. Don’t leave him guessing. When and how he delivers is up to him, but if he feels good he will deliver.
PART 2: Thank him for everything. Especially the little things he does - like making you a cup of coffee, warming up the car in the morning, doing the dishes, etc. If you really want to see him move tell him why you liked it too.
MEN:
When you know what she wants or what she likes get it for her. If she wants to travel, for example, but you can’t afford it right now, get some travel magazines and talk about where she wants to go. It will show you are listening and paying attention. Be creative and let us know how it goes.
Most important - HAVE FUN WITH THIS. If your relationship seems like work life will seem like work.
Our free ebook, “A Couple’s Map to Everyday Happiness” offers 60-pages of tips for getting out this “love is work” rut. Your invited to download it by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/blog/everyday_happiness/
Then, consider registering for the next “Divine Dance of the Sexes” Couples Weekend Workshop on March 6-7, 2010 by clicking here:
www.gendercoaches.com/programs/
Now Go Appreciate a Man and Cherish a Woman. That’s All It Takes.
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