Why Looking Into a Woman’s Eyes is Critical

Photo Courtesy of eHow.com

Looking into her eyes creates trust and connection. Photo courtesy of eHow.com

I remember just like yesterday the doctor slipping my baby girl into the cradle of my arm after she was born. Right from the beginning we spent most of our time together looking at each other’s faces – gazing into one another’s eyes.

It was a different story when my son was born.  The difference I noticed between my children had me secretly harbor thoughts that the relationship between my son and I was fundamentally flawed.  Compared to her, he looked at my eyes much less and was forever scanning the room, seemingly to put his attention beyond.

For many years I thought that maybe my son just didn’t like me. Unfortunately, this was long before I learned this type of difference in behavior is gender based.

One of the significant ways women/girls bond and build trust is by eye contact. It’s been said that eye contact stimulates a woman to release the “cuddle chemical”, called oxytocin, a hormone thought to be involved in the formation of trust. In  women, it’s release in large amounts during labor and nursing facilitates bonding between mother and child.

Here is a little experiment for you men and women in relationship:  If you’re a man reading this, know that your woman can develop a sort of low-grade anxiety caused by lack of eye contact.  This may look like a quiet desperation to get your attention when engaged in conversation with you.

Try this for the next week. Every time she speaks to you make an effort to stop what you’re doing and make solid eye contact with her.  Don’t take your eyes off hers until she is finished talking.  Guaranteed you’ll notice something cool over there with her.  She’ll likely be more relaxed and feel more connected to you – always a good thing.

If you’re a woman reading this ask your guy to read it too, and encourage him to try the experiment.  You’ll both see the amazing difference this simple practice makes.

Share your comments and let us know your results.


By Michael

Well, yes, eye contact with a woman is a powerful flirting action.

There is a particular look, which women can give you, after you’ve been looking at them in a desirous way. They will flash a short quick penetrating look, right into your eyes! This look, seems to indicate strong interest and willingness to interact.

Thanks for the comment Michael. It’s true that looking into a woman’s eyes is a way of assessing whether she wants to pursue a relationship and how far she may want to take it (though if you’re looking at her in a desirous way, it’s likely because of the energy she is putting out that attracted you). You’re right that women have a way of looking at men that is disarming. It’s one way they attract men they want to get to know better.

If you are already in a committed relationship looking into a woman’s eyes is also about being attentive. It let’s her know you are paying attention to what she is saying. Your attentiveness is what she wants most because it’s a form of connection. Often when I’m working at my computer Donna will come and stand in the doorway to tell me something. I stop what I’m doing and look at her so she knows I’m listening and that I’m present to her.

When men interact with each other they don’t have the same need for eye-to-eye contact. They are just as happy standing shoulder-to-shoulder at the bar, for example, and exchanging the occasional glance. They get and express connection differently than women.

For women, eye-to-eye contact is about being connected and being able to trust the other person. This is evolutionary as much as anything else. Generally speaking, women are physically weaker than men and have always been the primary-care givers for children. Therefore, they need to assess potential threats to their personal safety and to that of their children quickly. As it’s said, the eyes are the windows to your soul. Someone’s intentions can be intuited by the look in their eye. Therefore, it’s hard for a woman to trust someone who won’t even look her in the eyes.

By Michael

Sorry that this response is given, so long after I had posted above! But, I was doing a similar search and came across my comment and read your reply.

I must stress, that what I say now is not intended to be negative. (I think understanding correctly is so important – as you say in your reply)

My post was strictly about a very particular ‘look’ I’ve had.. so many times, that I know it’s very significant! But… this is in the ‘flirting’ or first ‘interaction’ with strangers scenario.i.e. Women I encountered, that caught my eye. (They notice and are aware of you looking at them and don’t look back, until giving this sudden flash. Its magical when they do this. This observation is nothing to do with settled couples in a relationship, as your reply was directed to. (That is your particular interest) So your reply, misses the point I was trying to make. I guess it’s not your focus. That’s fine!


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